Take Some Time Together
One of the things that always strikes me when I talk to couples who are in crisis is how little time they spend together. They usually say that they want to spend time together, but there are just too many other demands: work, children, family obligations, sleep, alone time to recharge and replenish. The problem […]
Perfection
A few months ago, I attended a friend’s wedding in Santa Barbara. At each table at the reception, there was a tiny package of candies for each guest with a saying about love or marriage attached. I had to smile at the one I received. “No one is perfect until you fall in love with […]
The Secret
Change is hard. No one wants to do it. We want things to work in our lives, but we don’t want to be the ones to have to change. Or we don’t want to admit that we are the ones who should change. We want our partners to be at fault. The ones who hold […]
The Power of Being Nice
Have you said something nice to your partner today? Have you acknowledged that she made an effort to be helpful? That he cooked dinner? That she asked you how your day was? Have you told him that you love him? It is amazing how significant the little words of love, acknowledgement and thanks can be […]
Parenting Together
Relationships are never simple. Balancing two people’s needs, wants, desires, and hang-ups are challenging. When you throw parenting into the mix it is even more complex. One of the biggest challenges that couples face when they become parents is figuring out how to take what they learned from their parents about what to do (or […]
Priorities
I have been noticing a theme lately: couples put everything else before each other—work, children, email, cell phones, housework. And the Couple is down at the bottom of the list. Now I understand sometimes work and kids HAVE to come first. But it should not be like that every day. Some days the Couple has […]
Put the Chemistry Back Into a “Sexless Marriage”
A couple of years ago, an article appeared entitled When Sex Leaves the Marriage on the NY Times Website. In it, the author spoke with a sociologist who studies the sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is one in which a couple rarely or never has sex, specifically intercourse. This can be for a variety of […]
Self-Help Favorites
I was recently asked which are my favorite self-help books to find healing. So I perused my shelves and pulled out the ones that I have found most helpful for myself and the clients that I have worked with over the years. Here are the top 6: 1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work […]
Love means having to say you’re sorry.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry. * Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan O’Neal) in Love Story, (1970) I first came upon this quote when I read the book Love Story by Erich Segal over twenty years ago. It is an idea that I have puzzled over so many times since. It seems to me […]
More About Reflections
Why do I keep falling in love only to have my heart broken again? Why do I fall in love with people who are so wrong for me? Why can’t I get over her? Why does my ex hate me so much? These are questions that I hear over and over in my office. Humans […]