50 Shades of Horrible

Last summer I finally read 50 Shades of Grey. The decision to take the plunge after resisting for so long came about as an “I will if you will” bargain with my friend. With the movie about to hit theaters this weekend, here are my thoughts.  Please note that this is based only on the first book. […]

Why Sex Therapy?

I began my career in 2000 as a psychotherapist working at a group home with pregnant and parenting teenagers who had been removed from their homes by the Department of Child and Family Services.  It was a given in this context that relationships, sex, sexuality and gender were going to be significant topics of discussion.  […]

Juggling Act

One of the things that seems to be a consistent challenge today is figuring out how to juggle all of the responsibilities that come with living in our 21st-century world.  In trying to take care of our families’ emotional, physical, financial and spiritual needs, we are consumed with work, picking up and dropping off kids […]

Touch

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of spending time together.  Today, I want to talk about how important touch is to a relationship.  When I say touch, I mean holding hands, hugging, rubbing your partners shoulders, etc.  I mean kissing, both quickly and at length.  I mean sex. Quick touches are […]

Take Some Time Together

One of the things that always strikes me when I talk to couples who are in crisis is how little time they spend together. They usually say that they want to spend time together, but there are just too many other demands: work, children, family obligations, sleep, alone time to recharge and replenish. The problem […]

Perfection

A few months ago, I attended a friend’s wedding in Santa Barbara. At each table at the reception, there was a tiny package of candies for each guest with a saying about love or marriage attached.  I had to smile at the one I received. “No one is perfect until you fall in love with […]

Priorities

I have been noticing a theme lately: couples put everything else before each other—work, children, email, cell phones, housework.  And the Couple is down at the bottom of the list.  Now I understand sometimes work and kids HAVE to come first.  But it should not be like that every day.  Some days the Couple has […]

Self-Help Favorites

I was recently asked which are my favorite self-help books to find healing.  So I perused my shelves and pulled out the ones that I have found most helpful for myself and the clients that I have worked with over the years.  Here are the top 6: 1.  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work […]

Love means having to say you’re sorry.

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. * Oliver Barrett IV (Ryan O’Neal) in Love Story, (1970) I first came upon this quote when I read the book Love Story by Erich Segal over twenty years ago.  It is an idea that I have puzzled over so many times since.  It seems to me […]